Posted on by Muhammad Moiz

Of Balls, Testosterone and Pappus: Love in Odd Places

Education at cadet colleges often comes off as insentient and inanimate; snubbing and rebuffing all human emotions. However, standing alongside roads in apparent bliss, gathered around a sheesha in obvious joy and amassed outside girl’s colleges in those moments of open, guilty pleasure; boys of civilian colleges in their adolescence have ample opportunities to satiate their hormonally aroused impulses. Now bring into the picture the ever popular cadet colleges – six long years of heavy endurance! An endurance that evokes the very “human” it is supposed to curtail. The custodians of this strict and disciplined educational universe have failed to fathom that within the realms of their extremely trained, ordered and structured system lie actual human beings; highly (read: hormonally) pumped and emotionally charged. They are divided into houses that compete against each other in testosteronic fervor, they change in front of their dorm-mates with nothing but a wrapped towel to conceal the privates and they chat with the person in the next cubicle while taking a shower. How can a system snuff out emotions when it is in fact responsible for kindling them?

In our college it was called the “Pappu” phenomenon. In a sister institute, it was the “Cheekoo” culture. “Chokraa” and “Chick” are other two popular terminologies, the latter associated with our military academy at Kakul.

Bring to your minds the “straight” heartscapes of co-ed schools, where cute couples sit side by side in those pink cuddly moments of sheer cuteness which make us all go “aww”, and apply the same phenomenon to another school, just that it is all-boys. And the babe is in fact a fair-skinned, well toned and popular guy, the “Pappu”. And the alpha-male is the regular guy with no attributes besides the fact that he blew our babelicous Pappus heart away. And they are jogging, masculinely, to the cafeteria after the evening games, drenched with sweat and smelling of stale socks. Awwww? Anyone? Never mind.

My cousins and friends often used to make disgusted or confused faces when I told them tales of this pseudo-homosexuality. They couldn’t dig it: how can a guy date a guy when they aren’t gay or pounding each other in their rears, they questioned. And I would go into my heartfelt tirade of how bad is it there being no girls so “yaar samjha karo, banda kya karay?” Their religious rebuttals were no valid arguments for they all were avid porn watchers and poondi-doers and would definitely have laid someone too if given the chance. Hence I always won; at least my stories were more riveting than their trivial straight romantic fibs.

So here it is, once you enter a cadet school, you are classified by your seniors and staff alike into the un-dateables, the Pappus and the alpha-guys. Of course all alpha-males have to spend the first year or three in the Pappu realm of the college to graduate to the socially high-up arenas of alpha-males. My best friend was a Pappu from the day one, and I never find it a scar on his masculinity, neither does he or the rest of our college. What’s bad in getting a few free dinners and gifts after all? He overshadowed all Pappus – they were not classy or bold, he was the national silver medalist in debating; they were average-looking and wore the same common-place blue knee length shorts during swimming unlike him sporting a black mini-costume that would entice the crowds into moments of lecherousness; they would have nothing good to talk about (typical Pakistani dudes), he would have topics ranging from social issues to political instability to random general knowledge. The ballooning feelings that he evoked in our college fellows couldn’t be contained anymore and in poured a dozen greeting cards and invitations for a date during the recess, daily.

After four relationships, all serious emotional ones, and ending in bitter breakups, we entered our senior classes where thanks to our age we couldn’t be Pappus anymore. It was biologically, chronologically and sociologically not possible. So began the search for a possible candidate for our now-single Fabio. Guys desperate for attention, popularity and masculine support to shield them from the bitchiness of their class-mates (the classic chick-vying-for-the-hot-guy-via-being-bitchy syndrome) were all dying for the lucrative post as my friend’s “Pappu”. He never got one good enough for his tastes.

And now we are all in professional institutes; he is dating a pretty hot girl from his class. End of story.

During those four relationships, yes they did kiss. Yes they did have sex, something called inter-crural sex (go Google it). Yes they did stick to their vows during vacations, when enough (and eager) ladies were around. And yes they did love each other, deeply. Well, at least they claimed to, and I’m no one to judge. And my friend with his four boyfriends as not the only example – the college was teeming with a hundred other couples. Where there was no dating involved, sex was on the cards. Rubbing each other’s thighs was the best past-time during dull Physics and, ironically, Islamiat lectures. Checking out guys as they went to the mosque in their white shalwar kameez was a norm reserved for all. We would be told by strict staff-members that “between two unaccompanied males is Satan”. If you had it, you would flaunt it during the swimming hours. Rooms would be abuzz with discussions after new admissions over who is the hottest in the young lot. Even the teachers, married, could be seen flirting with their favorite boys. It is a classic remake of the American high-school stereotype – just add to it other masculine stereotypes like bad-breath and smelly socks as consequential musts.

I know all of this sounds heavily gay, but I am still unsure if it can actually be called gay. Is it just an effect of what happens when you lock boys in their adolescence in a segregated all-male environment? Or does this prove an argument in the favor of homosexuality that guys can naturally fall for guys as they are working on almost the same paradigm? Or does this expose one of the many hush-hush secrets of the human heart: of how in times of stress and loneliness we can take to the one we love, irrespective of gender and religious conduct; of how the dynamics shift when the burden of a social taboo is lifted and emotions are allowed to flow freely; of how between the brazenly laid rules of order and society, one guilty pleasure can furnish so much happiness. Maybe the truth can be explicated as Jacques Benigne Bossuel said “The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.”


962 Replies to “Of Balls, Testosterone and Pappus: Love in Odd Places”

  1. Having spent time in a public school i know exactly what you are referring to. Keeping in mind the developing gay culture of the country, i dont think such a testosterone fueled environment, as that of public schools can be called “gay”. But there is the most confusing part, how can you date boys, not come off as feminine, be “the guy” of your buddy’s group and be gay or not be gay.

    How can gayism be defined? What are its defining paradigms? Is it about some contemporary rebellious culture? Is it about about the desire to bang or get banged by a guy? Is it about having feminine attitude? Or is it just about our very own the good old love.

    These are the questions i have always struggled with!!!

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  2. A beautiful concoction of wits, humor and blatant open love! I highly admired this article and wish to read more from you. A point that this tale makes is how candidly homosexuality despite being a taboo can be accepted in our society. Open sexual conduct is always taboo, but the undertones are often ignored and often celebrated too. Bravo!

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    目的在於通過網路、電話、或書面等媒介，對大量樣本的問卷調查抽樣，利用統計學的抽樣理論來推斷較為客觀，且能較為精確地推論社會輿論或民意動向的一種方法。
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    抽樣：由於不可能向每一個人詢問意見，所以調查者會選擇一個代表性的樣本進行調查。這樣本的大小和抽樣方法都會影響調查的準確性和可靠性。
    問卷設計：為了確保獲得可靠的結果，問卷必須經過精心設計，問題要清晰、不帶偏見，且易於理解。
    數據分析：收集到的數據將被分析以得出結論。這可能包括計算百分比、平均值、標準差等，以及更複雜的統計分析。
    多種用途：民意調查可以用於各種目的，包括政策制定、選舉預測、市場研究、社會科學研究等。
    限制：雖然民意調查是一個有價值的工具，但它也有其限制。例如，樣本可能不完全代表目標人群，或者問卷的設計可能導致偏見。
    影響決策：民意調查的結果常常被政府、企業和其他組織用來影響其決策。
    透明度和誠實：為了維護調查的可信度，調查組織應該提供其調查方法、樣本大小、抽樣方法和可能的誤差範圍等詳細資訊。
    民調是怎麼調查的?
    民意調查(輿論調查)的意義是指為瞭解大多數民眾的看法、意見、利益與需求，以科學、系統與公正的資料，蒐集可以代表全部群眾(母體)的部分群眾(抽樣)，設計問卷題目後，以人工或電腦詢問部分民眾對特定議題的看法與評價，利用抽樣出來部分民眾的意見與看法，來推論目前全部民眾的意見與看法，藉以衡量社會與政治的狀態。

    以下是進行民調調查的基本步驟：

    定義目標和目的：首先，調查者需要明確調查的目的。是要了解公眾對某個政策的看法？還是要評估某個政治候選人的支持率？
    設計問卷：根據調查目的，研究者會設計一份問卷。問卷應該包含清晰、不帶偏見的問題，並避免導向性的語言。
    選擇樣本：因為通常不可能調查所有人，所以會選擇一部分人作為代表。這部分人被稱為“樣本”。最理想的情況是使用隨機抽樣，以確保每個人都有被選中的機會。
    收集數據：有多種方法可以收集數據，如面對面訪問、電話訪問、郵件調查或在線調查。
    數據分析：一旦數據被收集，研究者會使用統計工具和技術進行分析，得出結論或洞見。
    報告結果：分析完數據後，研究者會編寫報告或發布結果。報告通常會提供調查方法、樣本大小、誤差範圍和主要發現。
    解釋誤差範圍：多數民調報告都會提供誤差範圍，例如“±3%”。這表示實際的結果有可能在報告結果的3%範圍內上下浮動。
    民調調查的質量和可信度很大程度上取決於其設計和實施的方法。若是由專業和無偏見的組織進行，且使用科學的方法，那麼民調結果往往較為可靠。但即使是最高質量的民調也會有一定的誤差，因此解讀時應保持批判性思考。

    為什麼要做民調？
    民調提供了一種系統性的方式來了解大眾的意見、態度和信念。進行民調的原因多種多樣，以下是一些主要的動機：

    政策制定和評估：政府和政策制定者進行民調，以了解公眾對某一議題或政策的看法。這有助於制定或調整政策，以反映大眾的需求和意見。
    選舉和政治活動：政黨和候選人通常使用民調來評估自己在選舉中的地位，了解哪些議題對選民最重要，以及如何調整策略以吸引更多支持。
    市場研究：企業和組織進行民調以了解消費者對產品、服務或品牌的態度，從而制定或調整市場策略。
    社會科學研究：學者和研究者使用民調來了解人們的社會、文化和心理特征，以及其與行為的關係。
    公眾與媒體的期望：民調提供了一種方式，使公眾、政府和企業得以了解社會的整體趨勢和態度。媒體也經常報導民調結果，提供公眾對當前議題的見解。
    提供反饋和評估：無論是企業還是政府，都可以透過民調了解其表現、服務或政策的效果，並根據反饋進行改進。
    預測和趨勢分析：民調可以幫助預測某些趨勢或行為的未來發展，如選舉結果、市場需求等。
    教育和提高公眾意識：通過進行和公布民調，可以促使公眾對某一議題或問題有更深入的了解和討論。

    民調可信嗎？
    民意調查的結果數據隨處可見，尤其是政治性民調結果幾乎可說是天天在新聞上放送，對總統的滿意度下降了多少百分比，然而大家又信多少？

    在景美市場的訪問中，我們了解到民眾對民調有一些普遍的觀點。大多數受訪者表示，他們對民調的可信度存有疑慮，主要原因是他們擔心政府可能會在調查中進行操控，以符合特定政治目標。

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