One of the worst, or at least most difficult things about being gay and Muslim is that...well, you're not really both gay and Muslim at the same time. At least, I haven't been able to find that reconciliation in my own life just yet, and it's frustrating, because I don't think that sexual orientation should inevitably lead to a sense of spiritual emptiness.  Of course, it's complicated by many other things too. For example, I decided about a decade ago, that since I was going to Hell for being attracted to other men anyway, I didn't really need to worry about following any of the tenets of Islam (fasting, praying, pilgrimage etc.). And tautologically, since I wasn't performing any of those key activities, I was going to be damned anyway, so why not enjoy some booze and a quickie with some stranger (or several, depending on how much booze is involved)?