Posted on

Last Night

I thought of you as an incomparable portrait; all framed in gold.
You were Dorian Gray last night.

My dream of paradise left incomplete, I suddenly woke up.
I ate an apple last night.

Everyone knew the truth about you and me.
I spread a rumour last night.
I remembered our ink-stained hands; the prose we used to write.
I typed a sonnet last night.

You instructed me about the rules of languages – yours and mine.
I read Shahid Ali last night.

Your love had something in it unbearable – a mother.
It was the night of the scorpion last night.

You had made my mind your house; my body your room.
I tripled the rent last night.

You were the muse of my story; of my first novel.
I wrote the epilogue last night.

And I, Akhil, knew well that God died yesterday; his was the other pyre.
The ashes ceased to smoulder last night.


Posted on

HIV, Women and Sex Work

The prevalence of HIV/AIDS in Pakistan is still low compared to rates in Sub-Saharan Africa and other countries throughout the world.  But there is also a great deal of denial from government officials and the public about this disease so the numbers may be higher than we think.  For example, in 2002 the official estimate of HIV/AIDS in Pakistan was about 2000 whereas World Health Organization rates were between 80,000 and 100,000 across the country.  The key to preventing Pakistan from becoming like South Africa is to put in the effort and resources at this critical juncture to educate and therefore prevent the further spread of infection.  Pakistan must utilize proven prevention and education methods in order to save lives even if these make us culturally uncomfortable.

Underlying causes

HIV/AIDS is a complicated issue with many underlying causes.  It’s not as simple as being promiscuous, being a drug user, or being gay.  In the majority of the world poverty is directly correlated with your chances of contracting and dying from the disease. Poverty here refers to two things: insufficient income to satisfy basic food and essential non-food needs; and human poverty, fundamental stumbling blocks such as illiteracy, malnutrition, poor maternal health and illness from preventable diseases. Both of the above contribute to a context that makes one more susceptible to transmitting HIV.  Living in extreme poverty can lead people to engage in risky behaviour such as joining the sex industry, undertaking long distance labour migration and entering into substance use.  While in some contexts, high risk behaviours and poverty are not so clearly correlated, research suggests that countries with the highest income inequalities are the hardest hit.

Disempowerment: feminization of HIV/AIDS

Unfortunately HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects women.  In most societies women are given less importance in regards to receiving healthcare and education. They are also more likely to be victims of sexual violence. Regrettably also women are also more likely to contract HIV based on their biological makeup: the female genital tract has a greater exposed surface area than the male genital tract; therefore, women are biologically at greater risk of infection.  The male-to-female transmission rate is about twice that of the female-to-male rate. Currently more women are becoming infected than men. Globally, nearly 50% of people living with HIV are female.  In 1992, 42% of those infected were female.

The main method of prevention that is being used and encouraged by those with money is the ABC method.  Abstinence, Be faithful, and use Condoms.  However, the ABC method is not relevant for females. Abstinence is moot in the face of coercion and rape, etc., faithfulness will not prevent transmission if the woman’s partner is not faithful, and condoms require the consent of the man.

High-risk group

There are many high-risk groups that are more susceptible to HIV.  Migrant workers that travel away from there families for work, injecting drug users, men that have sex with men, and sex workers.  Sex workers are adult women and men, children, young people, and transgendered people that exchange money or goods for sexual services, including intercourse, either regularly or occasionally.  In several regions, significantly higher rates of sexually transmitted infections and HIV infection are found among sex workers and their clients than in other groups.  It generally spreads among sex workers and their clients before it spreads to the general population to their spouses, families, extended sexual networks and then the population at large.  Sex work can be either voluntary or involuntary.  While some people work in the industry out of choice, it is more typically the only means to escape poverty, or is forced upon individuals as part of human trafficking.  Sex workers frequently have little control over their working conditions and their capacity to negotiate condom use.

It is estimated that there are tens of millions of sex workers worldwide.  Their clients number in the hundreds of millions.  However, little is known about sex work in pre-dominantly Muslim countries.  The few statistics we have are worrying.  In Tamanrasset, Algeria, sex workers have an HIV prevalence rate of 10%.  In Karachi, Pakistan, more than one quarter of sex workers had never heard of AIDS.  Three quarters do not know that condoms prevent HIV, and only 2% use condoms with all their clients.  In Jakarta, Indonesia, one in five drug injectors buys sex, which doubles the chances of contracting HIV.  In the Eastern Mediterranean, only 0.5% of sex workers are protected by any sort of HIV protection program.

In November 2007, Islamic Relief Worldwide held a unique international consortium in Johannesburg, South Africa.  We invited scholars, practitioners, and people living with HIV/AIDS with the purpose of informing scholars of what HIV really is, the practicalities of how it is transmitted, how poverty plays a role, how women’s rights play a role, and the difficulties in living with it.  The consultations were a success, with representatives from over 50 countries participating in ground-breaking initiatives and steps decided on to help the Muslim world face this problem. Consultation discussions included talks on the stigma and discrimination; rights and obligations; gender dimensions; awareness and prevention; protection, treatment, care and support; and particularly vulnerable groups.

Although Islamic and cultural guidelines do not allow for the behaviours that can lead to contracting the disease, we do not live in a world that is that simple.  There are many factors such as poverty that we need to realize do affect situations and contexts.  And as you can see women bear the brunt of many of life’s disproportionate challenges and therefore are more likely to contract and suffer from HIV and other diseases.  We as a community need to acknowledge these facts and do our part to bring awareness, education, and much-needed funds to face this challenge head-on before Pakistan becomes another South Africa.


Posted on

For Her, and For Her

This is one version of the story of my survival, in 4 parts.

ONE.
The first time, I didn’t really get to meet her.
She was gone before I knew it.
I knew she was smart, because.
She Escaped.
A man.
Who told me that if I said anything to anyone, he would hurt my sister.
I thought if I said a word,
he would never stop coming in at night to watch me sleep.
Perhaps if I kept really quiet, he would stop coming in when I was about to take a bath.

I felt dirty For Years.
Every year, for four years, it was the same.
But the year that She Escaped, that’s when
I Understood.

I refused to go back there.
My grandfather died a few months after The Escape.
My grandmother died a year later.
After that,
The Girl Who Escaped,
She came to me and said,
“Now, It’s time to speak.”
“Now.”

TWO.
My mother was on her knees, grasping my leg, begging for forgiveness.
I could not predict my survival from day to day.
My father decided to travel there.
I think The Girl Who Escaped, I think she went with him.
When my father returned Home, we were his only family left. He let all of them go, when they refused to stand with him. He has been isolated from them ever since.

I still think sometimes, “Can I forgive myself, for doing this to my father?”

But The Girl Who Escaped,
She reminds me,
My father chose Me.

THREE.
The day I met another survivor.
She was a 72 year old black woman who lived in Albermarle County, Va.
Over a glass of sweet tea, she told me the story of her survival, in one part.
It took her three minutes.

I poured myself another glass.
With each sip, I received a blessing.
I told her the story of my survival.
It took me
thirteen hours.

FOUR.
More recently, I met Her.
When she came, I wasn’t scared.
No pain.
No anger, not even a little bit of rage.
Not even a drop of guilt.

When she came, I was happy.
From indiscretion, from deviant behavior.
From joy.
From the very core of my sexual being.

This time,
No family.
Only Faith.
Amidst my conversations with God,
In a matter of days
She left before I knew her.

But now I know her.
She is The Girl
Who Gave Me Choice.


Posted on

Chay is For…

In the Urdu language, the letter chay is used as a euphemism for derogatory or taboo expressions. Some of these expressions are “choot” (vagina) and “chootia” (lit. of the vagina, but signifying stupidity that ought to be dismissed). The use of such expressions of insult is pervasive in the Urdu language and extremely problematic. In its original and vernacular usage, these words and their euphemism, “chay”, associate women with that which is imbecilic, derogatory, bad, taboo and wrong.

We have named our magazine Chay as an act of resistance to the popular pejorative meaning attached to words like “choot” and “chootia”. It is both an attempt to reclaim our language and engage with some of its sexist trappings.

We understand that the sexism, patriarchy and heterosexism that are imbued in our language are only reflective of the complex, larger socio-cultural, political and economic conditions that persist in our society. Therefore, any project of re-appropriation and reclamation of not only language but also our place in society is far greater than just naming a magazine. But Chay is at the very least an initiation: an open invitation for fostering discourse that displaces the dominant and normative conceptions about womanhood, sex, sexuality, masculinity and so much more.

We want “choot” and all other words like it to be identified with empowerment, self-actualization and life-giving rather than weakness, filth and diminution. More than anything then Chay Magazine is a project of resistance, redefinition, reappropriation, reclamation and reinterpretation of the dominant discourse so that we can be fully empowered citizens of our country, our societies and our lives.


Posted on

All About the Conversation

On November 3, 2007, President of Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf, declared “Emergency Plus” in the country and used it to curtail basic rights such as freedom of speech, movement and expression. The plethora of new, private television channels that had, for most of a decade, dazzled our minds by their sheer numbers, were shut down. The talk shows, the commentary shows, the cooking shows – all gone. And so, the Conversation was gone.

November 3 doesn’t have any direct relevance or causal relationship to the creation of Chay Magazine. I only mention it because it made me aware of something: in my entire lifetime, I had never before seen in Pakistan this level of open discourse. It wasn’t that, pre-Emergency, we spoke of everything in the world, freely, openly, happily. But we had started conversations: politics, covert military operations, health, marriage, women’s rights, law, HIV awareness. We had started conversations about these things. And then that conversation was killed.

Briefly. That level of silence could not be tolerated and, in a month, Emergency was lifted, albeit leaving behind some serious legal scars, such as stricter media regulations. But as the channels resumed transmission, the new rules were bent, modified, ignored and eventually broken. And we saw that that was good.

It was made clear, however, by this event that freedom of speech and expression in Pakistan cannot be taken for granted. The Conversation will not always survive. Intrepid reporters may now be going into FATA agencies to interview the local Taliban, but this will not be allowed forever. Things in Pakistan are volatile and ephemeral, and one mustn’t assume that the good now will continue on as a good. Or indeed the bad continue on badly.

Now is as good a time as any to talk about things we think are important. We want to start a conversation that we have heard snippets of in living rooms and grocery stores, on TV talk shows and in long form dramas, in the domestic difficulties of people we know and the shocking scandalous travails of people we don’t know, except through rumour mill.

We want to talk about sex and sexuality. Particularly, its politics. Particularly the power  it has over us, the power to keep us quiet about violences that happen in our homes, the power to kill us with diseases we are not educated about or cannot prevent; how it is used for coercion and how it is meant to be an expression of pleasure, love and respect. We want to talk about sexual rights and sexual health, sexual orientation and gender roles, sexual violence and sexual abuse, sexual empowerment and sexual happiness. We want to talk about family and relationships, love and marriage, homosexuality and heterosexuality, heteronormativity and perceived deviance, religious sanction and religious condemnation, freedom of choice and autonomy over one’s own body.

In short, we want to talk about what people living their everyday lives deal with every day, but are not allowed to talk about because we, as Pakistanis, have not allowed sex and sexuality to enter the Conversation.