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This is my monologue about a two way street which, by tradition is supposed to combine somewhere down the line into one warm fuzzy blurry road. Well, in my case, the two way street has always led to two different places. One of those roads inevitably leads to me, single, frazzled and free.
Or another analogy that I felt rather fitting, keeping in mind one of my relationships, its like watching an HD screen with bold beautiful colours, great definition and a great surround sound, slowly become duller, the sound murkier and eventually all you are left with is white noise and really tired eyes and ears.
Oh and I do not know how it gets to that point! I do not even pretend to untangle that mess. It has become this great hard sticky furball that once began with a simple knot and a few strings attached.
From Jaani, I miss you already to Jaani, let’s cuddle and not talk to Jaani, we need to talk: who needs that transition? Alas. Most of us do. As far as I can tell, one in every two girls needs to, has to, dies to be in a relationship. And that ladies and gentleman is what sinks the ship of straight, successful, single womenkind.
I think it’s indoctrinated in us from childbirth. Or inoculated, right along rubella, measles and mumps: the man shot.
Every now and then we get the booster shots: boyfriend, boyfriend, crush, lust, boyfriend, fiancé, boyfriend, husband, boyfriend. No one ever thinks of boosting our immune system against the institution of chronic togetherness.
I don’t propagate celibacy or isolation: I just think that we should think more often. If men are accused of navigating life using a sex-radar, it is only fair if women acknowledge that they have similar radars: the potential-couple-detector
What is the harm in wanting to be with someone, to want to not be alone? I am asked this question from those who are married, those about to dive into that pool or those who are simply looking for an occupant for their pink bubble. I always answer that there is no harm in wanting anything. It is the steps that we take to get what we want and that spiralling of desire into desperate need that is injurious to health. More carcinogenic than a pack everyday!
The lesson I have learnt from my limited experiences: appreciate the flora and fauna that only a single person can truly enjoy. Spend sometime smelling the roses, and not nurturing the pot! And then step towards another flower, smell that and so on. Get high on all the variety. Go through the gardens and the forests, appreciating but growing yourself as an individual. When you have absorbed what is out there, and spent enough time nurturing yourself, then you might have a fair chance at an equitable relationship that can be sustained.
I have three different sets of friends. Other than three who are married, everyone else is single. And everyone finds it very strange that they are in this “predicament”. I think it’s because as mentioned earlier, when you are given the man shot on a regular basis, to see that it does not work as effectively when there are no tailor made men around is albeit confusing. They promised us that finding the right man and settling down will be as easy as you see in the movies. Those who bought that line are now bitter and almost defiant in their singledom.
This piece of writing does sound like it could be shoved on a Self Help section in a book shop. That is not the intent. My randomly stringed thoughts should not be taken as the last word on the topic, or the starting point towards any success.
Look at it as just one female sharing some experience with other people. With the hope that we stop institutionalising all human interactions in the same fashion that Europe did with all independent thinkers, eccentric people and mildly disturbed people in the middle ages. Shoving every thing into neatly outlined categories defies the very purpose of human experience. There is no sequence to putting your life into order, certainly not your love life.
So, I say, spin the bottle. Watch where it stops and take it from there. Instead of a boy, it might land on a book. Finishing it cover to cover is immensely more pleasurable than going through a man end to end! The book will not crumble to pieces if you reach for it again and again.